College tours - a stroll down memory lane.
For many families, this is a lovely time of year. When high school juniors casually prepare for the SAT’s. When families take wonderful road trips to look at college campuses, presenting unique opportunities for parents and child to bond, to plan thoughtfully for the future.
Of course there are those who don’t experience it that way. Some parents actually gasp when they hear the Admissions counselor mention the cost of tuition during the information session. Some parents forget that it is their son or daughter who will be attending the school. Some parents forget that colleges don’t focus all that much on the quality of the dorm mattresses. Some parents don’t understand why a prospective college doesn’t recognize that their son is the messiah.
Prospective college students don’t need help. Parents do. And so, in that spirit, I offer the following advice to parents who are about to embark on college tours with their high school kids.
1) KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. For all of you Type A micromanaging baby boomers out there, I know this will not be easy.
2) If you can’t keep your mouth shut, send the other parent.
3) Avoid loud gasping when you see the room the size of your kid’s closet with 4 people jammed into it.
4) Generally avoid gasping all together.
5) Do NOT. I repeat, do NOT brag about your kid to anyone else (kid or parent) on the tour.
6) Watch “Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” (the one with Gene Wilder) before you set out on your tour. Pay close attention to Grandpa and keep your fingers crossed that your kid behaves like Charlie.
7) Watch the movie a second time and pay attention only to the other parents. Don’t do anything they do.
8)Don’t scream at your kid when they hold the Mapquest map upside down and cause you to be late for the tour.
9) Wear sensible shoes, especially if it is raining. Encourage your kid to do the same. We had one tour in the pouring rain and Scout nearly slid like Derek Jeter across the length of the auditorium while the Director of Admissions calmly looked on.
10) Make sure your child has eaten before a tour. I generally find that hungry people are crabby people.
11) Dress casual but not too casual (Unless you are going on a tour at Sarah Lawrence). I would reconsider my own wardrobe for the tours - when I realized that I was wearing the same sneakers (those cute converse with no laces) as the tour guide, I thought I had gone a bit too young.
12) When they won’t get out of the car because one of the school buildings on the campus annoys them, avoid the words “I drove all the way up to freakin’ Medford MA and you didn’t like the CASTLE?”
13) If you try cafeteria food, do not gag or spit any of it out.
14) Once the tour is over, CONTINUE TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! This is the most critical time. The kid will disagree with absolutely every observation you make - even if they completely agree. To be serious for a minute, find a checklist that your kid can fill out - tons of them online - the checklist enables you to keep your mouth shut and for your kid to react subjectively to each tour against the same set of variables.
15) Remember that horrible voice mail message Alec Baldwin left for his kid a year or so back? Do not, under any circumstances, say anything like that while on the tour. No matter how idiotic, obnoxious, ridiculous or insanely your kid behaves (see why the ‘keep your mouth shut thing’ keeps coming up?)
16) When you get home, CONTINUE TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. When the other parent starts asking questions, do your very best to let your kid speak for her/himself. I know it’s hard because you are a Type A micromanaging baby boomer.
17) Always save the most important piece of advice for last. Never forget, ever, ever, ever - just how extraordinary your kid is and how lucky ____ College/University would be to have her/him.
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